While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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