I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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