hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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