I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
