are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
