just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
