If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
