party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
