Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
