just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
