NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
