He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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