I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
