Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize