This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
