I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We talked him into tasing himself.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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