she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
