does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
