Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
