i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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