I wanna passion pit in your ass
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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