college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize