so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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