I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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