marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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