Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
