I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
