pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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