You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
