I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
