he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
