I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
