Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
