I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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