dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He felt like a one man threesome
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize