So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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