moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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