Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
