I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
