I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
