Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
