Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
