Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
