I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize