No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
