let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
