Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So many bounce houses so little time
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
