Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
