I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
