I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so let's talk penis.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
