just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you didnt know i had herpes?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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