...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
