If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just want to make out with him forever
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
