So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
