we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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