You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
