Do you still have your period?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
