I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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