I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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