I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
