i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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