No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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