I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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