Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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