i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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