He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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