She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
