woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
