Can Purell be used as lube?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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