Got a toothbrush?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
