She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
