Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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