The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he thought i was a dude.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
