I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
