I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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