I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
