My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
COCAINE IS GR8
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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