Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have feelings that need drinking.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
