Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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