If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
