I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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