just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
