I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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