im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
