I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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