I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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