4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
