so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
