how can u be prego again
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
