Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
