I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
