when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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