I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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