saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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