He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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