it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
