my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
