You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
