Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my shit smells like andre
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
