Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's blow job season.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
