If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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