theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
