you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Couch. On fire.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
